Whether you like it or not and no matter your status, life can be just plain hard. Health, financial and family issues impact everyone. Obviously, the way we individually cope is part of what makes us different. Even self-imposed change is challenging and can get the better of us.
I’ve read a lot during my self-imposed change and continue to be encouraged by others triumphs over struggles. Learning to be ok with being alone and not feeling lonely, daring myself to be ok with “down time” and calming myself when panic sets in has been hard, very hard. But then I am reminded that while life as I know it right now is hard…I have a very good life. I need to remember to “think in haiku”.

If I’ve had a comfort zone in the past, I sure don’t where it zoned out! I used to think I was the most comfortable in the known, the planned, the set and expected. Now I have no idea where my comfort zone lies. I’m certainly not comfortable nor in any zone and try as I might, can’t think in haiku. This is the best, the perfect time to “evoke” living in the moment and doing what I can in the moment. But it escapes me. Where will I be comfortable and when? Do you know this about yourself?

Where is my comfort zone?

I heard a NPR TED talk today about perfectionism. It was commentary as to how our society is continuing to “ create “ kids that feel they need to be perfect. I so know this feeling. It wasn’t purposeful nor anyone’s fault, but my desire to be perfect has controlled my life for as long as I can remember. It is one of the reasons in my mind only of course, that keeps me from consistently being able to be in the moment, to think only in the moment. How do I redirect a life long way of thinking? How can I continue to “ think in haiku”? Am I allowed the way forward to be imperfect and be ok with that?

I’m obviously very new at blogging; and of course thinking in the moment. When I post these things, I never really know how or where they will show up. But I hope to post some Haikus and pictures of our beach trip. It was fun and beautiful and we relaxed. It also seems like forever ago. How do you hang onto the vacation vibe when you return to real life. It remains a mystery to me….and a very distant memory. Why is real life such a mess that we need to escape it?

It’s a mystery!!!

We talked about this again today at church. If we can catch ourselves during times of negative stress and think of a Haiku, we can ward off an unwanted attack on our emotions and our physical selves. It is truly amazing to do this and feel its effects. Even in reading a daily devotional or passage of scripture, when you can think of it as Haiku, it can stay with you. It can change your day.

I wish for you many Haiku moments.

The past two weeks, (really the entire month of July) have been some of the most challenging of my “career”. Several folks were terminated from my workplace, including my boss. Others have quit due to lack of proper leadership. We have several Interim’s in critical positions and everyone is fearful of keeping their job. The way I am coping, aside from a great supportive spouse, is writing Haiku and reading several books. See the suggested reading tab for more information on what to read. Focusing on 17 words to convey my plight or offer hope is the best therapy there is…. with apologies to my therapist! Staying positive in a cruel world is as old as time. But no less challenging than its ever been.

Can you focus on the positive?

I had a strange thought today, ok so I have these a lot of days…but I actually said out loud that I am sure when I was younger, I knew I would be wiser and happier at this stage in my life. In my desire to be in the present, the past seems to creep in. Maybe it’s not totally possible to be in the present while not considering the past. And maybe that’s a good thing. I think the key is to not dwell or stay in the past.

Our past makes up so much of who we are, good and bad. And I keep thinking I will learn from my past, make better decisions, have better outcomes; become more “grown up”. But I don’t feel that way. I really don’t see much difference, except for in the mirror. I sure don’t feel any wiser…

When will I be “grown up”? And what does that mean? Does it even matter while I try to be mindful and in the present?

Do you feel grown up?

While I desire to be in the moment and focused on the now, it is painfully clear that old habits are hard to break. Long lived and “comfortable” thought patterns have become part of who I am and it seems that no matter how hard I try to escape the anxiousness, it continues to crowd my mind. Learning a new way to think, to react, to absorb is a daily (hourly) struggle, and exhausting. It’s times like these that make me wonder if it really is possible to learn a new way to think. Can I reinvent my thought process? Can I truly learn to think in Haiku? I have to, I will believe that it is…

Awake or asleep

Anxiousness tries to control

Strive to be mindful